Dear Husband

Dear Husband

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Dear husband,

I don’t truly know how to begin telling you what you bring to my world, how special you are. I can’t comprehend how it is that five years ago you weren’t in my life yet, but now every inch of my universe is wrapped around you.

It sounds clichéd but when we met it was love at first sight. I spent years wishing upon the night stars for you, the very stars that now share the skies with our daughter.

Since we met, I believe we have become a force of nature, whirlwinding through life,  fitting in everything we wanted to achieve in such a short period of time. We fell in love, survived long distance, moved states, we travelled, we laughed, we became engaged, we moved house, we bought a family car, created a home, invested in property, got married and started our family.

Throughout these adventures you showed yourself to be my best friend as well as my husband. You make me laugh more than anyone else in this world. We have fun together. We just fit.

Then we had Mackenzie and you also proved to be the most magical Dad. You dropped into your role as a Father with ease and passion. When I saw you scoop up our daughter in your arms and look into her eyes I fell in love with you in a way I didn’t know possible, my heart expanded. We created a human together, part you and part me. Our love created the most amazing little person I have ever seen. Her beauty and perfect little soul still overwhelm me.

When Kenzie was diagnosed our world shattered, then those pieces shattered again  and again, until it felt like I was being suffocated by the dust that remained. Our pain echoed for days, then weeks, then months. I have never felt weaker in my life. Sometimes I wonder how I am still standing but then I realize it is because of you. You are the glue that held us together.

Life has thrown us a huge hurdle. Most couples never have to face what we have. I am so proud of the relationship we have created. We could have stumbled, we could have broken but we didn’t, and we are stronger than ever.

Throughout our journey you were everything I needed when I needed it.

I know you feel my love for you. But I don’t know if I ever tell you enough how truly special you are.

Thank you for being strong when I needed to be weak.

Thank you for showing me your emotions and sharing your pain with me.

Thank you for not shutting down or shutting me out.

Thank you for taking over if I ever got tired.

Thank you for continuing to bring me coffee even on the darkest of days because that is what you promised to do in your vows.

Thank you for doing the things that needed to be done so I could focus on Mackenzie.

Thank you for consistently supporting me when I have wanted to channel my extreme pesting skills into our campaign for Kenzie.

Thank you for loving her and for loving my family.

Thank you for loving me. Not just fun happy me but painful, depressed, nagging, sad, anxiety me.

Thank you for making the time we had with Kenzie fun, for creating memories for us with your constant positive wonderful fun crazy personality.

I miss our baby terribly. Thank you for remembering her with me. For still making her the centre of our world.

Because of you, despite losing my baby, I can still say I am a lucky, lucky person.

You are my unicorn, my unique little snow flake. You are my perfection. I love you.

The strength of our relationship is a gift from Kenzie. This and her love are the greatest gifts she could have ever given us.

xx  

 

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Grief and its Companions

Grief and its Companions

IVF Round One

IVF Round One