Hope

Hope

On 12 February 2016, Jonathan and I were married. It was one of the happiest days of our lives, it was everything we wanted to start our lives together. It was perfect.

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The next day we started trying for a family. Yep, we were that keen!!

We had spent the previous 6 months preparing to get pregnant. We did all the blood tests the doctor recommended, I had my Anti-Mullerian Hormone (AMH) levels checked. This test  looks at a woman’s egg reserves, and I asked Jonny get his sperm checked (did I mention I’m slightly OCD). I took prenatal vitamins, started acupuncture and had Chinese herbs to help to balance my hormone levels.

So from the honeymoon it was GO time! Unfortunately we didn’t get pregnant in the first two months, which isn’t a long time to be trying but it felt too long to me. To get some assistance we went to Genea in Sydney. They do ovulation tracking which Medicare covers for the first three months. Using this tracking we found out we had been wrong in our timing the past two months. Whilst most woman ovulate on day 14 of their cycle, I ovulate much earlier on day 8, meaning that we had been trying a week too late.

With this new information we got pregnant the next month. We were over the moon.

Like most women I started doing pregnancy tests almost each day. I kept checking it was real. I was so excited and so happy!!

Next we told our parents. We found what we thought was the cutest little way to tell them. A box containing a little pair of booties and a note saying ‘coming soon’. We were so excited that we told them before the recommended 12 weeks. We were only 5 weeks pregnant.

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At 6 weeks pregnant I woke up around 5am. Jonny was still out doing a night shift at work. I went to the bathroom and saw I was bleeding. Scared, I called Jonny and I drove myself to the hospital and met him there.

The emergency room did a blood test and saw my pregnancy hormone Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) was low. An ultrasound confirmed I had miscarried the baby. I cried the whole day.

As we sat in the waiting room crying a lovely midwife stopped to check on us. She kindly took us to a room for some privacy and gave us a hug to calm us. This woman was called Felicity. She will come up again later in our journey. 

We were devastated over our loss. We went home sad and shocked that our future had changed so quickly. We knew we had to call our families and Jonny did that for us. He is my rock.

What happened next was a small procedure called a D&C. Horrible but necessary. That was it, our baby was gone.

Approximately 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. Some women don’t even know they have miscarried, especially if it happens in the first few weeks as they may not even have known they were pregnant yet.

Everyone deals with the grief of miscarriage differently. Like all forms of grief there is no ‘correct’ way to do this. Do what feels right for you.

I was honest with those around me as I felt it was important to talk about it. It is something so common but sometimes overlooked with the grief often minimised. No one should hide a miscarriage unless you feel you want to, it is nothing to be ashamed about and does not occur because of something you did.

I think of our baby often. Jonny and I later called that baby Hope for what he/she represented in our life. 

Growing Mackenzie

Growing Mackenzie

The Beginning

The Beginning