A month after we lost baby Hope we went to Nhulunbuy in the Northern Territory (NT) to visit one of my best friends. While we were there I was ovulating. We were staying with her so I, not so delicately, explained that Jonny and I needed some alone time. She immediately went for a run and gave us an hour. When she walked through the door we were sitting on the couch watching Keeping up with the Kardashians. We joked that she didn’t have to run that far or stay away that long as it was all business, so a light jog to the mailbox would have done it.
So Mackenzie was conceived in the NT - we like to say she was made ‘Territory Tough’.
We were petrified over the first three months that we would miscarry again. At our three month check everything seemed perfect so while still nervous we let ourselves get excited and announced our news to the world.
I got so lucky with my pregnancy. I LOVED being pregnant. I never had morning sickness, I craved fruit salad and mostly gained weight in my bump (yes, fewer kg’s would have been nice but ‘eh, what are you going to do’). When she began to move around, I absolutely loved the feeling. Even my chronic back pain got better.
I know that it wasn’t common to have a smooth, happy pregnancy and sometimes I felt guilty with how easy it was for me especially when I knew people who really struggled, but I truly believe that what happens around babies is mostly luck and genetics. You may win the Lotto in one area but then you might struggle in another. I was happy in my pregnancy but Mackenzie’s birth wasn’t the easiest. Luck.
The only real concern I had was with my feet. Oh. My. God. They HURT!! They ballooned up to twice their size making thongs my only foot wear option. Jonny rubbed them each night and somehow was still able to say that I am sexy. He is such a good man, a unicorn man! Am I right?!?
I liked dressing my bump too, well, once there actually was a bump. I didn’t love the in-between stage where I just looked tubby. It was the first time in my life that I wore tight clothes. My main problem with maternity was finding a bra that fit – such a struggle. Why on earth do department stores carry maternity bras that stop at DD’s??? How many pregnant woman have breasts that stop growing at a DD??
Every week I took a progress shot of my bump and I also wrote in a diary each week. I am so thankful to ‘past me’ for keeping those memories.
Every night Jonny and I played a special song to her. We would lie in bed, balance my mobile phone on my belly and watch Kenzie react to the music. She would make the mobile bounce around as she danced in my belly. Later we played the same song to her every night after her shower to signal sleep time.
I remember Mackenzie moved around like crazy. Often, even though something would be happening right in front of me, I wasn’t paying attention. I was feeling her move around, talking to her, being with her. I would sometimes be sitting in a meeting at work and would try to hide my belly because there would be ripple over my stomach y like that famous scene from Alien! I was worried I would freak out the men on my team.
I am so thankful for my pregnancy with Kenzie. I look back on it with fondness. It was like we had our own little universe with just us. I still sometimes touch my belly remembering, in a gesture of protecting that tiny perfect baby inside me.
So great was my love of being pregnant that when I had the usual hormone dump a few days after Mackenzie’s birth I spent a whole day crying that I wasn’t pregnant anymore. The women in my birth class thought I was crazy.
Crazy maybe, but I wouldn’t change a thing.
I know I was lucky.